Hindi pa kasal.
When it comes to singlehood we fall in 2 extremes. The first one is the traditional view. Remember the annual reunions where relatives ask you a question you wish they didn’t ask?
“Kailan ka na ba ikakasal?” “May Boy/girlfriend ka na ba?”
You have to go through the annual reply by saying: “Wala pa kasi tita.”, “Darating din yan.”, “Naghahanda lang po tita.”, “Hindi nag work out tito eh.”, “Hindi nila ako deserve.”
Deep down you are irritated about why this is a big deal. Or when you go out and you see couples holding hands, being sweet and affectionate and deep down you wish they would break up. Bitter.
The other one is more popular. Why do you need someone in your life? You got it all together? It is not that you don’t want a relationship, it is just not yet the priority in your life. Sakit sa ulo. And if ever you will be in a relationship, you already have set some standards about how it should be. I got it all together, I don’t need someone to make me happy, I am happy already! You hate it when you feel like you are a lesser person just because you are not in a relationship. Hatred.
The first one views being single as a need, the other one as a want. When we swing on either sides we have a negative view on singlehood that may affect how people live their lives. There may be a feeling of being incomplete and having a person is the answer to that brokenness. Or someone may feel independent and pressured to show that they’ve got it all together.
There is nothing wrong in being single. The apostle Paul has a high regard for being single (he is after all, single also).
…celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others.” – Paul1 Corinthians 7:7 MSG
Being single is a gift.
God gave this as a gift. All of us at one point in our lives went through it. None of us were born married. Now a gift can be appreciated or neglected, but God has given all of us this amazing season of being single. When I was a single person I realized I had a lot of time and I really did enjoy those time for myself and for others. (I will write something about this).
The problem is with today’s media being single is seen negatively. How many movies always include a love life story in its arc? Most of them. How many movies are so great with the protagonist not falling in love or having a fling with anyone? Not so much. What does this communicate to us? That if you don’t have a relationship, you are not going to be happy.
You can be complete and contented in being single. Being complete and contented in being single works best when we are aware of our insecurities, flaws and fears and acknowledge and trust that God has already first loved us. His love for us on the cross is more than enough to cover the holes in our souls or drench our love parched hearts.
Hindi ako takot sa future kung may magmamahal ba sakin, kasi ang sagot ay minahal na ako. Hindi ako mangangamba kung may tatanggap sakin kasi tinaggap na ako. I am already loved, completed and accepted in my best and worst.
This gift may be temporary or permanent.
Now for majority of us, singlehood is just a season. There will be a time that you will receive the gift of marriage. Now for the single, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Again, there is nothing wrong with you or with your friend, your gifts are just different. You have a different gift and a different life. NEVER COMPARE.
How will you know if I have this gift forever?Short answer is, you won’t know. Long answer: if you have a desire to get married, then most probably you have the gift of singlehood only for a season. But rather than being paranoid if you have this gift or not, the wisest advise I believe came from the Apostle Paul…
I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.1 Corinthians 7:32-35 MSG
You really won’t know. If God’s love has overwhelmed you and if you find satisfaction in Jesus, then being married or not is not the main goal of your life. It is to use your life for whatever honors the One who loved you and gave his all for you. Honoring God is the goal of your life, not to have a relationship to make you happy.