Passionate Learner

Learn. Share.

When love looks ‘ugly’

Me and my wife don’t really have what most would call “aesthetic shots”, nor anything instagram-worthy. And yet we are flattered when some people tell us that our marriage/relationship are “goals” for them.

This week I was down with flu. It wasn’t really that bad, but like any other cases of flu, it was not pleasant. I was in bed all day. I have to leave from work and I find everything moving slowly. I think you wouldn’t mind if I confess that I am not good looking (or maybe presentable) when I am sick. It really didn’t last long. I was back in a couple of days. I hoped that life would carry on, I was ready to go to work….but Geh got sick as well.

Now, unlike me, she was still beautiful (O, the injustice!), but I’m sure she wouldn’t think of herself as pretty when she was sick. No one really posts about this.  When she was in the comfort room feeling bad, no one knows how I took care of her. When I was feeling too heavy to move in my bed, no one saw any artsy shots of Geh as she was taking care of me. 
And that’s not all.

I wasn’t hosting a viewing party when she was mad at me because I didn’t do what she requested me to do. No one was doing my-day’s when I was frustrated when she didn’t tell me something important. No, you saw our glorious times, our best moments.

Too much of our world’s picture of love right now seems too good, too perfect, too unfair. And that injustice of painting a picture-perfect love story only to be shattered when the picture hits reality is what breaks the hearts of millions today. Everyone knows no one is perfect, everyone knows there is no perfect relationship.

and yet…

…and yet we envy about why others seem to have it all. A good looking spouse, an understanding wife, that listening husband, graced with obedient kids, with such a strong faith, with well-managed finances that led them to amazing vacations and the list goes on and on. 

I guess this is how far love is today. When we compare those ‘we’ve made it’ shots of others with ours, then we feel the void. We feel how God has been against us, how we are at odds with life. We are looking at other people’s best and imagine that our lives should be like that, but the love God wants for us is not necessarily aesthetic, but it sure is raw.

A love that faces the complications of life, a love that is not afraid to take in ugliness and sorrow, pain and grief. 

A love that is also an act. A service. A duty. Sometimes coming from a good heart, sometimes out of obligation. A love that sometimes would want to give up but doesn’t and never will. A love that is beyond nakakilig but real. A love that is not just for benefits but for surrender.

At the end of your life, you don’t want nakakakilig, what you want is something that stays, something that fights to form the image of the God that the married couple serves. I thank God for those older couples who at least prepared us for marriage. Marriage is tough, dirty, unfiltered, heart-revealing, pride crushing, sin-exposing and life-changing.

Marriage is dying to self. It is serving your spouse and walking with God TOGETHER. Every. Single. Day.

The marriage the world needs is the relationship that the world fails to see. Those secret services of love is too austere for Instagram. Those unfiltered words of pain, anger, regret, repentance, submission, forgiveness, acceptance, warmth and friendship are too sublime for the public eyes. And yet when you behold it, it changes you. When it gets lived out, it changes a family. When it gets noticed, it changes our society. We can all have an image of a glorious marriage. 

Me and my wife don’t really have what most would call “aesthetic shots”, nor anything instagram-worthy. But everyday, me and my wife grows more and more to become like the image of the One who is Worthy. The image of the one who first loved us both.

Leave a Reply